I Saved The World Today
by Phantasmagoria
Summary: I based this weird little fic on a story I had to write in English class, beginning with 'there were only five minutes left'. It's a little *weird*, but please R/R anyway!


A/N: This ~sensational~ little piece is actually based on a story I had to write for an English Assessment. We had to write something starting with the line "There were only five minutes left." Afterwards I read it and thought it would be perfect for a Harry Potter fanfic, all I had to do is change the names and change some things around for it to sound more Hogwarts-ish. And it worked perfectly. This story isn't really about anything much, but I like it. It's a little weird, moving at such a fast pace, hardly explaining anything, but I guess that's what's cool about it. Okay, so what if I only got a 16/20 for this??? The English teacher was off her rocker, I swear ...  
  
Disclaimer: I hereby state that I do not own Christina Aguilera, nor do I own Britney Spears (thankfully), nor do I own Billabongs, nor do I own Nike, nor do I own any of the characters in Harry Potter, they belong solely to Mrs J.K Rowling and blah blah blah. ~Could we skip this boring shit and just get on with the story?~ o_0  
  
***I Saved the World Today***  
  
  
There were only five minutes left.   
  
Until the destruction of the entire universe!  
  
Harry felt panic grip him like never before as he raced across the Great Hall. All he could think of was the bomb, the deadly atom bomb that would turn the whole planet and beyond into smithereens. Never mind that Muggle things would go haywire in Hogwarts, this bomb sure didn't.   
  
He tightened his grasp on the piece of parchment Hermione had given him, slammed into his hands with a desperate pleading look in the eyes before collapsing into a dead faint at the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey had gone crazy. Ron had got very excited, jumping up and down, saying they were all going to die, then had calmed down enough to ask what in Merlin's beard was an atom bomb in the first place.   
  
"Don't worry, Hermione, I won't let you down, I'll find the wretched bomb and destroy it if it's the last thing I do," Harry mumbled, shaking from head to toe as he raced down the stairs to the dungeons. Accordingly to Voldemort, that was where he had planted the deadly thing, where in less than a few minutes it would serve its deadly purpose.   
  
Hatred, sheer, pure hatred filled him as he remembered the wicked glint in Voldemort's eyes when he had told him with relish of his plan. They were in the Forbidden Forest where Harry had met him.   
  
Voldemort had rambled on about how lucky it was for him that Muggles had invented the Btom Aomb. To which Harry had interrupted numerous times to tell him that he had said it wrong, but Voldemort had simply rolled his eyes, all five of them.   
  
"But wouldn't you die too?" Harry had spit spitefully back at the wizard who had killed his parents.   
  
"Oh, no. While planet Earth is destroyed I will be safely living in luxury on Mars, with my faithful followers. I would then be the King of the Universe! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!"  
  
Unfortunately for Voldemort, but fortunately for Harry, the wizard laughed so hard he died on the spot due to a heart seizure. Amazed that the darkest wizard in a century had died of a common Muggle ailment, Harry had returned, determined to find the bomb.   
  
Suddenly an ice-cold hand clawed his face from behind. Harry yelped in horror, nearly dropping his wand. He whipped around, expecting to find Voldemort back from the grave. To his relief, but not much, he saw that it was actually Severus Snape, the one hell of an ugly Potions master. His cold black eyes stared down at him menacingly behind his hooknose.  
  
"Hey ... Professor Snape, I was just, just ..." Harry stammered helplessly.  
  
"Harry Potter ... well, well, well, if it isn't the STAR," Snape snarled. "May I DARE to ask what you are doing out of class?" He looked at Harry from top to toe, from his Billabong T-shirt to his cargos to his Nike sneakers. (A/N: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Can you imagine how COOL Harry would look in Billabongs?) "And why aren't you in uniform? This calls for a week's detention of writing fan letters for Filch!" He smirked, revealing new rainbow-coloured braces.  
  
"No, not the fan letters for Filch! Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh!" Harry clawed his face in disgust. "You f*@%ing sh!#hole! You don't understand, there's a bomb in the school!" he cried helplessly, as a pair of dragon-hide-covered hands tried to pull his away.   
  
"Nonsense," Snape leered, dragging a struggling Harry with him, his greasy locks of hair stanking of - well, what else - grease, I guess.  
  
"What in the name of Britney Spears is a bomb? You should be ashamed of yourself, Potter," Snape said mockingly. "Making up some lame excuse to get yourself out of trouble! We'll see what Dumbledore has to say about this!"  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Harry cried, flailing his arms against Snape's strong grip. Something had to be done. He fished out his wand and yelled 'RICTUSEMPRA!' hoping to be able to delay Snape with the tickling charm.  
  
Snape, however, had whipped out his wand and said 'SERPENSORTIA!' at the same time. Harry's charm was instantly blocked.   
  
Harry swore in frustration. Sometimes magic wasn't the way to do things. You had to use FORCE, VIOLENCE. Harry braced himself, then let fly one of his super-punches, the ones he often tried on Malfoy. The blow hit an unexpecting Snape squarely in his ugly face. He whined like a puppy in agony, clutching his black eye and bloody nose as he collapsed onto the floor. Harry shivered with the knowledge that he had just attacked a teacher. He conjured himself a heavy pair of pliers, then gave Snape a CONK on the head for good measure. Solid metal hit against human skull, and Snape passed out faster than you could say "Good for him."  
  
No time to waste. Harry rushed into Dungeon #13, his heart beating faster than a bouncing ferret. (A/N: Okay, I think this story is getting crazier and crazier.)  
  
There it was. In the corner of the room was a little round metal gadget, a digital timer strapped to it, all tangled up in a mess wires in primary colours.  
  
Harry rushed to the pulsing bomb, realising with a fresh pang of panic that there was less than a minute left.   
  
"It won't work, it won't work ..." he told himself, trying to the best of his ability to blast off all the wires with his wand, yet the digital timer still beeped with his every furious attempt. Every single beep brought him closer to his doom, and still he couldn't stop the timer.   
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... in the friggin name of Christina Aguilera!" Harry shrieked in aggravation, as he abandoned the now not-so-trusty wand and started pulling out the insulated wires with his bare hands. He had forgotten to bring the dragon-hide gloves.   
  
Ten ... nine ... eight ...  
  
Still he pressed on, his life flashing before his eyes. Aunt Marge's dogs chasing him up a tree ... Hagrid giving Dudley a pig's tail ... duelling with Voldemort ... Hermione and Ron caught snogging in Moaning Myrtle's toilet ...  
  
He had to stop the bomb ... he had to ...  
  
Six ... Five ... Four ... Three ...  
  
With one last desperate attempt Harry tore back the wires with all his might and jumped back, his hands over his eyes, waiting for the explosion to come and fragmentize, disintegrate him. (A/N: Sorry, I couldn't fight the temptation.)  
  
It didn't come.  
  
He had stopped the bomb.   
  
Harry staggered up, dizzy with relief. The timer indicated that he had stopped the bomb at one second before it was due to go off.   
  
He wanted to laugh, to shout out, to do the Macarena (A/N: Now THAT would be a sight ^ ^), then he remembered the unconscious Snape still further along the corridor.  
  
Oh, well, Harry thought as he leaned against the wall. At least I saved the world today.   
  
  
A/N: Well, what d'ya think? Yes, I know the *bomb* idea is such a lame one, and yes I know that:   
  
1. The bomb would surely have gone haywire.  
2. There is no way that Voldemort would act like such a nutcase.  
3. How could Voldemort possibly live in Mars, and where could he possibly have got the atom bomb from?  
4. Voldemort WILL NOT and CAN NOT die of a heart seizure. He DOES NOT laugh like a crazy lunatic. Yes, maybe an evil crackle, maybe even a high chuckle, but NOT a haha with 43 characters.   
5. Even if it would be cool, Harry would most certainly not wear Billabongs or cargos or Nikes. The Dursleys most certainly would not buy it for him, and I think Sirius Black would prefer dark colours. (It brings out his eyes.)   
6. Filch does not have fan letters!  
7. Snape doesn't wear RAINBOW-COLOURED BRACES!!!  
8. Harry does not swear so badly! All the brits ever say is 'Crikey' and 'Blimey'.   
9. Snape DOES NOT know Britney Spears!  
10. Harry couldn't possibly be so cruel and conk a Professor on the head! Snape could DIE. (Yes, inviting as it may sound, this will produce dire consequences.)  
11. Snape DOES NOT whine like a puppy! (But wouldn't we all love that! ~_0)  
12. How on earth could Harry's heart beat like a bouncing ferret? Huh? Huh? Huh?  
13. Harry does not mention Christina Aguilera when he swears! Christina fans would be deeply offended!  
14. Ron and Hermione would NOT snog in Moaning Myrtle's toilets! (.:Hears loads of Ron/Hermione shippers sigh in disappointment:.)  
15. Fragmentize? Disintegrate? Huh??????????????????  
16. Harry would not do the Macarena!   
17. And lastly, what kind of ending line is 'I saved the world today'? Not even remotely original.  
  
Okay, okay. I admit it. This story is WEIRD. Please review, however, to tell me how you feel about it. I have this unnerving, ET feeling to write a nice, long fic for this story! So if you want to see I SAVED THE WORLD TODAY: HOW IT ALL STARTED, then please review and tell me!  
  
~Author signing out~  
  



End file.
